guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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