it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
