i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just pee around me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
