This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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