she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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