Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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