I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
