Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
