I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
we should paint friendship bongs
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