I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize