Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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