it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
