i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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