I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
