I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
