he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
