you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
