where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
her vagine was all disorganized.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
