Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
