Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
