I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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