i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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