There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize