Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
