Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.

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(205): View more from Alabama

So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England

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(734): View more from Michigan

The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS

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(408): View more from California

I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me

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(510): View more from California

all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask

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(314): View more from Missouri

you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying

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