i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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