Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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