the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
