i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
