Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
