You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
