The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
