im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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