Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
