Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
