Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
