someone threw a dead crab at me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
