This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
