So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
