there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
