Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
