y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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