So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
