at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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