I feel great
I just peed on a car
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
