i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
