pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
