The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
