I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Green mimosas i think yes
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
