We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
