It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
