youre lurking in front of me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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