Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
