you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
