what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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