Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
