At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize