Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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