do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
