the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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