You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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