Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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