i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
