Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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