I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i think i just lost a toe
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
