Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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