he told me I talked like a deaf person
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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