facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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