I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
