I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
