So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
